Decisions

I struggle with decision making, It does not matter if it's a small or big decision, I like to mull things over.  The more experience I have with a particular type of decision, I find the safer it is to go with my intuition, since the subconscious has a wealth of reliable information from which to draw.
On rare occasions,  I've been spontaneous and throw caution to the wind.
Let me tell you about a recent but not really important decision, still it took me most of a week waking at 4am  mulling it over. I had a gut feeling I'd made a wrong choice but I had made the decision and would have to run with it!
As we now live in Turkey, we would like to see as much of it as possible. As a traveller you are confronted with so much choice and I've always want to go to a city called Konya which is one of the oldest urban centres in the world. Excavations in Alâeddin Hill in the middle of the city indicate settlement dating from at least the 3rd millennium bce. 
I mentioned this one day to my ceramics teacher who organises bus trips for our class.  However,  I did not realise quite how far away it was and had automatically thought it would involve a short flight followed by a bus trip of an hour or two.   Two weeks later she rang me and asked if she would put our names down for a trip to Konya the following Friday!  On impulse,  I said YES!  My husband 'Mr. D'  said,  "yes somewhere new will be great".  Then I stated googling!  
Travelling all the way by bus with brief stops every two hours  would take 10 hours.   O my God!  what have I said yes to?  I have suffered from travel sickness all my life!  I'm fine on planes and trains but long distances on buses are not for me,  but this is my one chance of going to Konya with a group of Turkish people who have been there before and who know where to go, what to see and the best places to eat.  But I'll be miserable with nausea, a stomach like a balloon and a headache,  am I mad?  maybe I'm being a wimp,  maybe I'll be ok,  I'll see if I can buy motion sick tablets here and then I'll be fine.  But they do not always work and I've never travelled longer than five hours on a bus and I always got sick!  These were my thoughts for the next few days until I eventually rang my teacher and said "Sorry, I don't think we can go to Konya.  I explained why but she said "it's not a mini bus, it's a midi bus, very comfortable and I have your names written down, please, please come,  you will love Konya, it was your idea,  think of Rumi.  So I said ok,  yes we will go......
I tried really hard to be positive thinking about nothing else until the morning of our departure which was very early on that Friday morning.  We arrived at 2.45am for our 3.00am departure to find everyone already had their bags on their seats.  All that was left for us were two seats at the very back of the bus,  a MINIBUS!  On setting eyes on it , Mr. D, said "that can't be it!  there must be another bus!"  but I recognised our teacher so I knew at once that this was it!
I had taken my travel sick tablets so I was going to make the best of it.  The journey was broken every two hours by stops at petrol stations where we could use the toilets and if there was a shop or cafe we could buy ourselves some tea.  Most of the passengers were well used to long bus trips and promptly slept as soon as the bus moved off.  Even though we both had our travel pillows,  there was no way either of us got a wink of sleep.  The same went for the two other passengers who shared the back of the bus with us. Two rather large ladies and the lady beside me was kind enough to apologise on the occasions when she overflowed on to my seat!
At the petrol station stops, she was most anxious to get out of her seat as quickly as possible.  I would usually try to get up before her thus giving her more room.  She still managed to reach part of her body over to where Mr. D was sitting.  I got to hear some choice words as we drank our tea and again when he saw her get back into the bus.  
Getting out of the bus really helped me get through the morning of travelling.  I was able to stretch my arms and do a few back stretches.  Mr. D.'s hip was causing him a lot of pain due to being twisted in his seat.  There was not much room due to the lady in front having her seat reclined somewhat.  She was elderly and slept most of the journey.  He did not want to make her uncomfortable by insisting on her straightening her seat.  
I was amazed by the high standard of the road surface.  There was duel carriageway all the way to Konya.  There were a huge amount of trucks using the roads. As we went further inland away from Milas the land became very flat.  You could see for miles.  The scenery was beautiful. Sometimes we saw some distant hills and they were covered in snow even though the temperatures on the ground were a comfortable 18c.

There were little old houses similar to Irish country cottages scattered along the countryside. There were rows and rows of fruit trees with their beautiful pink flowers glowing in the spring sunshine against a backdrop of green and grey velvet.

I read every sign along the way and eventually saw a signpost for Konya.  We were almost there and I was ok. We arrived in the outskirts of the city around 2pm in the afternoon and arrived at our hotel at 2.20pm.  

Konya was the final home of Rumi (Mevlana), whose tomb we visited in the city on Friday afternoon.

In 1273, his followers in Konya established the Mevlevi Sufi order of Islam and became known as the Whirling Dervishes. We were delighted to eventually see them.

We visited the Mevlana museum, Mevlana cultural centre, Alaaddin mosque and the Ince Minare Medrese (Seminary of the Slender Minaret) which is among Konya's finest and most impressive Seljuk Turkish architectural masterpieces.
 Many of the women in Konya dress in black with black veils on their heads. Some younger women dress casually and fashion does not seem to matter.  However in the centre where the very big shops are,  there were plenty of women dresses the same as western women.

 Our teacher Zeynep who has been going to Konya for over 10 years recommended some very nice restaurants where we enjoyed  delicious meals.

    We also visited Sille. A  village outside Konya which has a landscape much like that of Cappadocia. You can read about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sille_%28village%29

    
 Sunday morning was a free day so we chose to walk around and found our way back to the mosque we had visited yesterday.  We stayed around that area and took more photos walking into side streets and finding some quaint shops selling unusual clothes.

The old doors and the buildings are a photographers dream. 

     

We found our way back to our hotel early. I wanted to get my travel tablets from my hold-all bag before we set off for our journey home.  I was in for a shock!  Our two drivers were waiting outside the back door of the bus and informed me that it could not be opened due to the amount of shopping which was packed in.  There was no way I could get to my bag, so it was to be a long trip home with no medication.  
 As you can imagine the trip home was a long one which seemed like it would never end.  Within an hour of setting out,  my stomach felt like a balloon and the usual symptoms followed.  On one of the breaks a kitten sought my company and did much to cheer me up.

 Eleven and a half hours after leaving Konya,  we eventually arrived back in Turgutreis.    I was dizzy and distraught but so glad to get off that bus.  While it was wonderful to see Konya,  long bus trips are not for me!    It will be quite a while before I get on a bus again even for a short trip.     

Loss and loneliness

Thinking back:   Our grandparents house.  The house where my mother spent her childhood.   As a mother herself, she brought us there often to visit our grandparents.

From left to right:  me, looking down,  my elder sister in white dress and my younger sister with her hand to her face,  crying! in front of my grandparents house in Lougher, Co. Kerry, Ireland.

I took this photo in 1965 with the family camera a  "brownie"  of my younger sister and my grandmother who we called "Nana". Nana died in 1966.  I have wonderful memories of her and still miss her so much.

                                                   

My granddad  circa 1958.  He died in 1962.  I have few memories of him but my mother told us many stories about him.

Here is a photo of my mother doing some painting!  She didn't really like art but did it at the local daycare centre to pass the time.  She would prefer to be knitting but could no longer do it due to arthritis in her hands. This photo was taken in 2007,  She is wearing a long cardigan which she loved. She had a large collection of them. On one occasion, I counted 29 and when I told her, she would not believe me!  She would have us search many shops until we found one with pockets, always handy for a handkerchief!   I'm wearing on of her cardigans now,  it keeps me warm in these cold winter months and I feel close to her when wearing it.  I thought of her this afternoon at my ceramics class.  The mother of my teacher sat in class with us.  It was lovely to see her sitting proudly next to her very talented daughter. They sat opposite me.  My teacher was helping another student with her design. As I looked up from my clay, I saw not my teacher's mother but an image of my own mother sitting in the same position with her wool and two knitting needles clicking together while she chatted and drank tea.  I was a young girl again,  back in the 1960's in our small cottage living room....it was a warm memory of a good day in summer when all was well.   I blinked a few tears away and cast my eyes downwards to my project on hand.  No matter what I write in this post, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, with a terrible sense of loss and emptiness.  It hits you at random moments at any time in your life. When we were growing up, she was a very strict mother, we did not always get along but we all knew we were loved even though she never told us so.  She was always there for us.   She died in February, 2009.  I still cannot believe I'll never see her again.  The realisation of loss of our parents, and grandparents is an innate part of the human psyche,  it cannot be solved like a puzzle; it cannot be alleviated only hopefully made less painful as time goes by.  The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.

A new year, the same me and the same back!

It's the start of yet another new year.  When I lived in Ireland I really hated the months of January and February.  The days were so dull, wet and cold. I couldn't plan to do much outside in these two months and had to contend with being indoors all the time whether it was at work or on my days off,  life had to be lived indoors. A bright sunny day was the exception rather than the rule.  In anticipation of summer, I was wishing my life away. 

 Now that I'm living in western Turkey,  I take a different view of things.  I can do most of what I want to do right now!  I've already mentioned that I'm doing a ceramics course.  I can look forward to getting up early and walking in the morning sunshine for 10 minutes before I start my class at the local cultural center. There is so much to learn.  It's all new to me and I'm having a wonderful time absorbing all the knowledge and techniques involved in working with clay. My teacher is wonderful! She is a very beautiful and creative person always full of life.  She is in much demand throughout the day helping students with their work.  There are some very experienced students who are very helpful and will stop what they are doing to help me when the need arises.   I'm having to learn with my eyes rather than my ears.  Turkish is spoken by everyone and I miss out on a lot of the instructions but this does not deter me.  I can see what she is telling us by looking at what she is doing with the clay.  It is also good for my learning of Turkish, I understand some and am picking up little bits here and there. Watching the advanced students at work with red and white clay,  I have learned so much already.  I've learned that even the best and most carefully done pieces will crack and split in the drying process!  but I've also learned that all of this can be corrected.  My very first project was a breakfast tray with a lid.  This is now drying on a shelf.  I've had great fun on my second and easier project which is a tortoise,  he is also drying.  My next project is a crazy teapot. I've done 6 sketches so far but have not decided as yet which one I'll do.  Curves and handles could cause problems?

Before I know it,  it's lunchtime.  I take a leisurely walk home.  My route takes me past my local beach where the view never fails to take my breath away.  For a few moments, I pause, gaze and soak up the atmosphere. 

After a delicious lunch prepared by Mr. D,  we relax on the roof terrace.

I feel lazy now..... a morning of crouching over a table has left my back stinging.  I've had back problems for a very long time.   I promise myself I will do some exercise in the near future.  The recliner feels good.  I stretch out,  I am free, I am relaxed.
Mr. D. tells me about his morning and listens while I tell him about mine. Then I start to doze, I could sleep now,  I'd like another hour of chilling......   But No, I can't do that!  I have made a commitment and will follow it through.  I drag myself from my comfy slumber and I head back, put on my navy overall and again I'm absorbed in the world of clay.  What's new challenge will it be this afternoon? what new things will I learn.  I am happy in anticipation.....

Austria and Ireland December 2015

A little part of us remains behind in the place where we once lived.  It does not seem to matter how much time we spent there or how long ago it was.  It can only be recaptured on our return, rather like finding a lost favourite blanket, the familiarity, texture, warmth and comfort as it snuggles close around your body on a cold winter’s evening. You embrace it, feel it’s warmth until you put it down and leave.  You will return often in daydreams, thinking of it and wondering if it’s there now? And it being there yet again on your return.........

Well,  we’ve done it,  travelled home and back in one piece!  I still call this place home. I stood here and looked out over the fields where seven generations of my family have lived. I've been over these fields so many times, played as a child, watched our parents as they dug the soil to plant potatoes and vegetables. I remember the long warm summers of the 1960's when we made hay and had picnics of tea and sandwiches in this same field, the moonlight nights when my sister and I would climb out of our bedroom window, run over to the far field where we would lie on the grass looking up at the moon and the stars then hurry back and into bed unbeknownst to anyone!   I stood here last week and recalled those cherished memories. It seemed like a lifetime ago,.... it was long ago!..It's wonderful that my sister and her family live here still as it means I can always go back.  It's not lost to us.

Our trip from Turkey to Vienna and on to Ireland went according to plan.

 We packed our two small cases with a change of clothes and the rest of the space was taken up with presents. We walked the 15 minutes to the first bus station and began our journey to Bodrum airport.

 I’d spent days and weeks planning, looking up websites for the most convenient central accommodation, checked reviews, searched for a train to get us to the centre of Vienna, googled maps for an aerial view of the location. I took notes of the directions, phone numbers, train times etc and felt we were ready as we possibly could be.  Our flight arrived in Vienna on schedule.  I’d booked us a one bedroom apartment which turned out to be perfect.  The view from the window was awesome!

 It was warm and spacious and even had a supermarket nearby. The location was quiet and minutes from the train station.  One of the highlights was the beautiful Belvedere palace which houses two of my favourite paintings!

The weather was cold but we were lucky we missed the rain which they had in abundance on the previous day. We had four days in all.  The city is so well planned. The rich families of the city built their beautiful houses and palaces all around in one massive circle which we got to see first from a warm tour bus. It was called the red tour and you could hop on and hop off as you wished for 24 or 48 hours.

We gazed at the beautiful architecture and took lots of photos although not the best from a grubby bus window. 

 However the audio guide was very informative and from this we could decide which museums to choose and which to leave until our next trip. The next morning we took ourselves on a walking tour. This was most informative. The tour guide called Franz really knew his history and was really enthusiastic.  He brought us into many buildings which really helped; I was able to sit down and easy my aching back!!  This also gave us time for more photos. 

 Mr. D doesn’t do heights.  He has a massive fear of them.  I’ve lost out on so many wonderful photo opportunities due to his insistence on us both staying put!  So far in Vienna we had been on ground level, not as much as a small hill or even steps to take us to any height.  So when I saw the magnificent spire of St. Michael’s cathedral,  I heard this little voice in my head say   “I’m going up there,  I want to see that bell and look out over this beautiful city just once in my life”....
. And yes we did go right to the top!!     Mr. D. agreed but stayed by the door which leads out on to the metal viewing area. I was awed by the wonderful views and to be so close to that beautiful roof and bells.  I took lots of photos and eventually,  reluctantly descended the lift to ground level with a now relaxed Mr. D.

We took the blue tour the next evening which took us on a different route and as the daylight faded and night descended, we saw the city landscape from a different perspective. A wonderland of lights filled the sky and lit up trees and buildings with a wonderful Christmas theme.  We spent hours browsing the Christmas markets. 

The Christmas markets are covered stalls professionally constructed with wood and decorated beautifully with all the colours of Christmas.  You can buy all sorts of handmade goods. They have everything from cakes, sweets, jewellery, decorations, and ornate lights.  In the middle of the markets there are children’s play areas.  There was a puppet theatre, play park, donkey rides. The little children were wrapped up warm with chunky hats and gloves.   They were stalls serving mulled wine in big red mugs and you could choose which fruit you wanted added. I had one with strawberries and blueberries.  It warmed me up and was delicious! 

 
We walked and walked and were so tired when we got back to the apartment at night.  There is so much to see. We didn’t get in to see the beautiful opera house but plan to see it and also the hills of Vienna when we return hopefully in the summer months. 

We flew on to Dublin to a wonderful welcome from family and friends.  It was nice to touch down on Irish soil after being away for so long.  Dublin was in full swing.  Traffic was heavy.  They are extending the tram lines.  Christmas shoppers were everywhere.  I felt overwhelmed by the amount of people on the streets and in the shopping centres.  There were lines of customers at all tills and shoppers were weighed down with shopping. We were meeting friends at a French restaurant on Dawson Street and could not find a seat at 5pm in the evening, seemingly one has to book in advance.  Recession is well and truly over,  I’m so happy to say!   The next day, we travelled by train to Cork and stayed with my sister and family.  

 We had an early Christmas. My sister and I cooked Christmas dinner together, no set time, just called everyone and the cat! when it was ready,  sat down, chatted, drank wine, and a smoothie! eat chocolates and had a laugh. Christmas 2015... It’s up there with my top 5 Christmas’s ever. 

 Wishing all of you out there on the w.w.w.  a wonderful Christmas too!  xoxo

The ritual before I travel

We haven’t set foot on Irish soil in 15 months! We were home in JulyAug of 2014.  It’s the longest we have been away without a return trip.  In 3 days time Mr. D and I are heading back to Ireland for a brief Christmas visit.  After much internet searching,  I eventually booked flights.  I’m always anxious when I click "confirm" also when I see the confirmation e-mail.  Mr. D does not like night flights or having to overnight at an airport hotel before an early morning flight.  He leaves the flight searches and hotel bookings to me.  So the pressure was on!  I decided to book a flight to Vienna en route to Ireland!  The short flight to Vienna will break our trip as we will have 3 days there before we fly on to Dublin.    The weather will be much colder than here and this week I’m trying hard to convince Mr. D to bring a warm coat and extra warm clothes.  For some strange reason he thinks he can wear the same clothes as he wears here.  He was exactly the same 2 years ago when we flew into London from Istanbul.  He wore a waist length jacket and was shivering as we briefly went around the streets of London.

My case is already packed.  We will be away for two weeks and only bringing 2 changes of clothes.  I can wash them at my sister’s house so this will save us dragging heavy cases on trains and buses. In the past, we used to travel with two 20kg cases.  There was always much huffing and puffing from Mr. D..... it went as follows: “OMG, what on earth have you got in the cases?,  I’m not bring cases any more!!!”    So now for the sake of peace we just bring a hand luggage case each.  On our way back we get to stay in Vienna for one day.  I’m planning on breaking the rules! hoping I can pick up a cheap bag or a small case and buy some goodies to bring back to Turkey. I hear the chocolate is Heavenly in Vienna.  Mr. D loves cheese so he might agree to us doing some shopping.........I’ll let you know how it went, later!

 Nevertheless,  I’ve been so busy in the last few weeks in preparation for our departure.  I’m doing a ceramics course and I really put pressure on myself to complete my project. I didn’t think it would be finished in time but I surprised myself!  I was determined.  It’s now complete and drying on a shelf waiting for my return when hopefully it will have dried without cracking! and be ready for the next stage,  the kiln. 

I always have this thing of getting everything put away and tidied up before we leave the house. I packed away my summer clothes and brought out the winter clothes, washed and put them in the wardrobe ready for when we return. I did a bit of gardening, I’ve pruned some of the big rose bushes and also cut back the bougainvillea. The weeding can wait until January! Today I made 4 pots of marmalade. 

The Clementines are perfect just now and I’ve promised them to friends.  I picked some large oranges too but will use those for orange juice.  We will call to them tomorrow to say goodbye.  They too will be travelling over the next few weeks and we probably won’t see them again until January. On Monday, we will bring in the balcony furniture. I’ll  clean out the fridge and the cooker.  I’ll bring in the last of the washing from the line. I’ll check yet again that the printed tickets, passports and money are in my bag.  Mr. D will pack his case, he usually does this in five minutes on the night before we travel.  

  On Tuesday morning, we will head out early having switching off the electricity and water,  we will head for the airport. I will take a deep breath and relax when we have checked in................I’d love to hear how other people deal with travel and being away from your normal routine?

It's nearly here!  Winter........... yes that was my first thought on  waking this morning.  I've always hated winter.  It fills me with dread, I sense depression looming, waiting to pounce as soon as I have a weak moment when it can descend upon me and take up residence.  The days getting shorter,  lack of light, grey skies, cold and wet weather are the perfect conditions.
BUT,  my second thought this morning was a positive one.  Yesterday was a really great day.  It started with some really good news. A friend of a friend had just seen the link to my art website and guess what?  She loves my paintings and wants to buy one!
How soon can you get it to me? she asks excitedly. 
It's been a while since I've sold a painting.  I haven't done any marketing,  it takes so much time and effort to get art noticed and I'd rather be painting!  So when someone suddenly out of the blue says "I'd like to buy one",  it's a great feeling.  I see so many artists doing such wonderful work that I'm always amazed when someone actually wants one of mine.  Such a vote of confidence, it's the best gift especially at this time of the year.  My heart which was heavy with so much pain and suffering in this world of ours suddenly feels lighter.  I'm going to try really hard to hold on to this feeling for as long as I can.  My thoughts will now focus on starting my next painting. I'm in the best place. 
My art website badly needs to be updated but here it is for what it's worth. Have a peek when you have a minute.
https://sites.google.com/site/noreenhegarty/paintings/new-painting